CHOICES

They do come, those nights of self-doubt when you just sit down and listen to yourself. When you think of the 1st day and sigh. When you remember the 1st impression and cry. When you consider what hooked you in the 1st place and wonder if it was a mistake. When you ponder the meaning of the three words you say just for the sake. You want to pick up your phone n call him, and doubt whether he'll pick. Sometimes you actually call and it goes on ringing, and sudden flashes of him with someone else make u sick. You think of his bedroom antics, and realize he sucks. You think of your ex-boyfriend, and remember how good he fucks. He always tries to make you fly, but you see he strains lots. You consider all his flaws and ask why, then you compare and he trails the dots. You know he is a player of sorts, but then he makes you high like shots. Consolations now, there’s this guy next door called Kyle, he always waves n makes you smile, spins you round and compliments your style, you picture him the hank, strong, sweet and agile...structure that makes you want to close your boyfriends file. The guy in the store makes you feel a tingle. He drops a joke and makes tummies cringe. U consider no strings, but its piling sins. You let him feel and touch your skin, just to feel special. "Well, to hell, if the little birdie is mine, it'll just hover and perch again. But if it flies of then fine, I'll have a blast and block the pain."
© Ian